Your love is poison
by Give my socks back
Summary: James and Lily can they ever be? How can love spring on hate? And will Peter's dark secrets intervene? The time of The dark lord is near. R
1. Three stories I hurt

**inote: This is gonna be a story with CHAPTERS. It's a bit of fun, and a bit angsty, and it's gonna get deeper into the plot in chapter 3 or four. Don't you think Peter's acting strangely? And what will happen when distaster strikes. You'll have to review to find out... (Chapter is only gonna continue of I get reviews, and that doesn't mean two, lol.) LEJP.**

**Discalimer: I don't own Harry Potter... well... not YET... MWAHA. However this tory is mine so no touchy - eh?**

* * *

"Get the picture - James - I'm not interested." Lily brushed back her flaming red locks, her eyes flashing angrily. For the third time that day James groaned inside himself. One day… just one day she'd say yes. He wouldn't have to cover up the despair by running his hands through his hair, or giving a cheeky grin.  
"That's cool… That's brilliant…" James said heartily, laughing and stuffing his hands in his pockets. Sirius chuckled and patted him on the back.  
"Don't you ever give up"  
"… It's fine. She likes me really. You know girls… you know what they're like. You've been out with enough of them. I can tell. She really likes me, ya'know"  
"Yeah… we can all see that"  
James trudged back to the common room, face down. It wasn't just his bruised ego - that had taken so much battering he wasn't sure if that existed anymore. Wasn't she ever going to come around? He wasn't stupid. She was far from mad about him - in fact - far from anything. But he was mad, crazy, head over heels in love with her.  
Couldn't she see that?  
"Ouch!" Peter yelped as James walked into his small friend. Peter held his left arm close to him, right hand closed around the bottom of his arm. His eyes were scrunched up in pain.  
"Sorry…" James mumbled towards his friend. Or follower. He was never really sure what part of the group Peter was part of… he was more of an avid fan. However, worm tail yelped once again, shaking and leapt up the stairs. James watched him, Padfoot and Moony both starting up the stairs to follow him.  
"I didn't do anything!" James protested as Padfoot turned on him.  
"Didn't say you did! - But what happened"  
"I don't know! He's so small… I just sort of trod on him… he is small ya'know"  
"He's sixth year - he should be acting like… I dunno mature? Not like some five year old kid!" Sirius grunted with dismay. Remus looked up from his book in surprise, a grin sliding onto his features.  
"He's always following you two - Guess that's where he gets it from! You can hardly call us 'adults"  
A dreamy look passed over Sirius. "Well… James did a brilliant job on snivellus last term. Nah. I'm not ready to grow up yet"  
James mulled the thought over in his head. Girls spent so much time swooning over him he never had the time for it… but maybe this time he should give it a chance. He was sixteen… time to stop acting like a kid. _Yeah._ James thought, nodding to Sirius who had no particular clue why. _Yeah… I like that. I can do… mature…"_

* * *

James stepped into the hall uncertainly. This was gonna be hard. As usual, several girls laughed and fluttered their eyelashes, mostly at Sirius, but he had to say; he got his fair share. He could see Evans take a mere glance at him, before returning to her breakfast. It was going to be hard without her even noticing him… at least when he was full of all that cock she'd talked to him.  
Forcing any doubt from his head, he ignored the batting eyelashes, the thousands of mascara coated lashes. Sitting at the dining table like… well… someone normal. And he wasn't normal… he was height of cool… Amazing wonder boy…  
_No. Stop thinking like that. You're nobody. Your James. The boy that has NO EGO._  
As he brang his spoon of muesli to his mouth he noticed that Peter had gone white. Strange; the last few days he had seemed off. Like he was in pain. And now… he was so pale he looked positively vampire. James offered a hand, brushing his arm as he went.  
"Hey worm… want me to take you to the hospital wing"  
_Think extra brownie points…_  
"NO"  
Peter flung himself from the table, knocking the casket of pumpkin juice flying, clutching his arm. The hall had gone silent. James couldn't understand it. Every time he tried to do something right.. It backfired. For a moment shook, then legged it out of the hall full pelt. James started to follow; but a strange sight met his eyes.  
Severus Snape's eyes glinted maliciously and he followed out of the hall suite. James stood and stared. Was that coincidence, or was something going on? If he knew Hogwarts then the latter theory was correct. For a moment, the silence continues, then the normal chatter seemed to resume. In the confusion, James felt a figure brush past him.  
"If you think I'm ever going to go out with you… your sadly mistaken James Potter. If that's how you treat your friends… then I don't want to know you." "Hey… Evans!" James called, his stomach sinking. "Hey Evans it wasn't like that… I was trying to help"  
But like usual, nothing could make her hear him. Nothing. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he knew that Sirius' face had curved into a childish grin.  
"Ouch…"

* * *

Lily swept past James Potter and onto the staircase. Potions; her favourite and best class. Too bad she had to share that time with that ignorant and arrogant brat.  
"I just get so mad… I just want someone to… I don't know! Go up to him and stab him! Or"  
Jane gave a tinkling laugh and patted her friend on the shoulder.  
"You know Lily, I think he really does like you. No matter what you think. He's not that mad about the other girls; you know it. You're stubborn, you know? And stuck up…" Jane held her hands up as Lily swept to face her, cheeks blazing. "Joke. What about Remus, Or Peter? Nobody else is remotely good looking here and well - I can't believe I just said Peter - he's a bit of a weed… But RJ? He's a good bloke. You can't say that about most guys"  
"What are you implying?" Lily asked, interested.  
"You want to hit Potter where it really hurts, right. Well, the only way you can do that without physically kicking him in the goolies or something like that… is to pick on his friends. Including Sirius"  
A smile crept onto Lily's face.  
"Well… If I must. But who"  
"Why don't you try, well, both? That'll stick it to him"  
I'm a mature sixteen year old… I can't do things like this. If I do this then I'll be just as bad as him… Said the 'Lily' side of her. But the flaming redhead said different. Have some fun girl… live a little. Really show them where it hurts. And Remus IS good looking. And - hey, Sirius is positively to DIE for.  
"Alright girlies, we're on. Favourites first… Sirius"  
Jane gave an envious smile. "If I only had your hair, then I could have fun… they say Blondes have most fun, but the redheads get the blokes"  
"This is for Snape, and Marcus, and all the other people they've tortured. An Peter. Poor little weed. He's so small. They bully him, you know?" Lily carried on, fingering a lock of red hair.  
Just as she said it the very person came across her path, chalk white and clutching his arm. "Hey Peter, want to walk to potions with me -" She couldn't help it but she seemed to bowl him over as he swept past them. He gave an animal growl, still clutching his arm and yelled.  
"Get off me you filthy mud blood "  
"OI"  
"Don't you dare call her that WORM"  
Sirius looked more in favour of Peter's defence, rather than James who was positively shaking with fury. Why was that? Why did he always have to defend herself. It was the go - he had to sort everything out - but he was just a bully. He was just an attention seeker. Before she knew it worm tail had rushed away and James was by her side. Lily however had different intentions. She walked to Sirius, a grateful smile curling on her lips. She fluttered her eyelashes.  
"That was brave…" 


	2. Why? Mistake

James' heart thundered. The day had been shit; and now…  
That bastard.  
He was supposed to be James' friend, not Lily's new fetish. But Sirius… did he give a damn? Course not - he was boy extraordinaire, give a girl what she wants no complaints. He sank into his bed, almost tearing the bed hangings down in his effort to close them. It was only ten 'o' clock, and nobody else had seen fit to return to their dorms, But James was sulking. This wasn't fair. Sirius knew how much he loved that girl. He knew the pain he went through, just thinking of Lily's endless rejection. He kicked out an nothing in particular. There was one thing for sure in his mind at the moment. 

He hated Sirius Black.  
Perhaps it was just now - perhaps he was exaggerating. But in this moment, he hated Sirius with every fibre of his being. Six years - six years of his life, and at one glance the Black had been persuaded by Lily. Who wouldn't? But friends…  
Sirius was his friend.  
Through his train of thought, James began to sing. He was no singer, and was terribly out of tune. But it was something, anything to release the pain.  
"…You are my only hero, my star within the night,  
I don't know why, and I can't explain But I look at you; and it feels so right,  
Loving you is like constant pain How are you so bitter, when All I see is you?  
And How are you my Hero,  
When I die at your words of spite,  
At cutting Cupid's bow?  
Your vital for survival, I need you here with me,  
Just one sign, one word, one smile,  
Would light up my constant plea;  
And make the pain worthwhile.  
I don't know why I love you neither why I try;  
I don't know why I'm singing this,  
Just knowing you'll pass me by,  
In hope of just one kiss.  
Do you feel this suffering, this pain within my soul?  
Do you know why I cry at night,  
In failure of my goal?  
Do you see me through those eyes in darkness or in light?  
I could say 'I hate you.' But those words are only yours,  
They left your lips the first day we met,  
And burdened me through the years,  
To you; Returning them is my only debt.  
You are my Hero, My only shining star Every time you send me pain.  
I'll cherish it from afar,  
Because loving you Lily Evans,  
Is driving me insane"  
James finished the song before his head hit the pillow. He was so tired or rejection, and the feeling of abandon, and sleep was one refuge that could save him from that, for a time.  
But whoever said that time heals everything lied.  
Because for six years now, James' heart had been torn in two, and left to bleed.

* * *

Lily flopped onto her bed. Not only had she got one up on James; she had a actually kissed Black. He was as shallow as James to be sure; and she despised him for that, but she couldn't deny that she was gorgeous. Her quick fling with Black had hit James Potter hard and fast and she was pleased with the results. It was easy to see he was totally gutted.  
Never mind - she thought. It wasn't as if he really liked her, or it had really hurt, she'd just given his rep a good bashing. Something he'd had coming for years, and luckily, she was there to strike the blows. Lily smiled once more, and waved to Jane, laughing out loud. Her friend wore an awed and slightly envious expression.  
"He looks such a good kisser"  
Lily laughed more at that, but nodded.  
"Yeah… yeah he is. Do you reckon we should string this out, or do we move quickly onto victim number two"  
"You, you mean? Oh Lily. The faster the better"  
"What if people start to think I'm some sort of whore? What then?" Lily asked suddenly, eyes flashing with concern. Jane laughed once more, patting her friend on the shoulder and sitting beside her.  
"Oh - Don't worry. James is way too bruised to mention anything, and when you move on to Remus, Black we'll be to bruised to say anything." She soothed. Lily relaxed and smiled as they both climbed into their beds to go into dreamless sleep.  
Didn't she know that her game was much more to James?  
Didn't she know that this game was dangerous?

* * *

Lily stepped into the dining hall, watching The Marauders sit down to breakfast. Making her way down to Sirius, she carefully swung her hair about her shoulders, as to get his full attention. She gave a smile of pearly white teeth, before letting it sink into a frown.  
"Sirius"  
"Yeah…?" He looked hopeful.  
"You've been so kind to me… and I'm really grateful for your… support. So I was wondering if you'd think, well"  
"Yeah"  
"If Remus would ever go out with me"  
Sirius looked dumbfounded. His mouth was left agape. Lily hated to admit it - but she was rather enjoying this new challenge. "I mean, friend to friend, right? You've been really kind and I thought I could trust you, so… does he like me? I really, really like him"  
"Sure… whatever…" Sirius ran a hand through his hair in a rather bemused fashion. Not to mention devastated. "everyone likes you… well… er… whatever"  
Lily smiled. Jane was right. Sirius wouldn't dare tell anyone. The boys mind was a maze; but small, compact and simple to solve. She doubted Remus would be as easy to fool, but she was Lily Evans… and she had a fair share of brains. Passing Sirius, she sat by Remus, noticing that Potter had not yet entered into the dining hall. In fact, she hadn't seen him in the common room either. Probably wallowing in self pity. Shame, she had wanted him to see this.  
"Remus…" She put a finger on the page of the book he was reading, pulling it down so she could see his face. He looked surprised, but not unpleasantly so. "…I was just talking to Sirius, and well… we all know I like you…" She smiled again, making sure he could see every last one of those pearly teeth. "Would you like to I dunno… meet up sometime"  
Lupin was gob smacked she could tell, and wasn't likely to answer anytime soon, so Lily took action. Forcing one of his arms around her she leant close and whispered in his ear.  
"I'd really love it"  
He nodded dumbly, and Lily wrapped her hand around Remus'. Now all she had to do was hit Potter where it really hurt, and that was showing him and her to Potter. Directly. Aim and shoot.  
Easy as pie.  
She forcibly lead Remus out of the hall, up the staircase to charms, curling her arm around his. Two down; one to go.  
Bull's-eye.  
But did she know what harm she was causing?

* * *

It was halfway through the day before Lily could really put her plan into action. The midday sun had died and they had walked to their last lesson, care of magical creatures. Professor Tofty welcomed them with open arms. "Right, who wants to know how to define a Knargle from a Hinkypunk?" When no-one answered, he finished for them. "You all do! What a surprise! Come then, step up"  
But Lily did not listen as her target came into show.  
He walked up the lawn in no particular hurry, stooped, his hair much messier than usual, his tie swinging loose and hands in pockets, running one hand through his black mane of hair. She was quite frankly shocked at his appearance at the start, but her conscience soon hid. He approached Lupin first, but before he was a mere metre away from him, Lily grabbed Remus and forced her mouth to his, kissing him.  
He didn't protest.  
James stood before them, as they broke apart, mouth agape. He ran his hand through his hair once more in shock, before turning around and running away, full pelt.  
It hadn't been the reaction she'd expected. The girls behind her tutted. "Look what she did"  
"That was out of order"  
"She knows how he likes her"  
Lily's arms fell to her sides. She felt a tad triumphant, but more sickened by what she had just done. She hardly looked around when Tofty reprimanded her, taking ten points from Gryffindor. What?  
What had she done? 


	3. Wolf

**inote: Thanks for the reviews, but throughtout today I had 64 hits, and 6 reviews. (thanks all reviewers, your FAB!) I think we can do more than that - eh? Kudos to the next person that gives me a review!**

**Thanks to all my reviewers so far, Radish earrings, Ac Potterfan, meditator girl, lily129, Brknlight, and strange principles.**

* * *

-1James lay by the old oak tree. He hadn't eaten all day. Padfoot - now Moony. He didn't understand how he could love someone so much. He didn't know how he had it in him; he could scarcely believe that his friends had deserted him in this way. He thought, perhaps, Remus might have stuck by him. 

He didn't own Lily Evans.

She could go out with whoever she liked, friend or foe.

But that didn't stop it hurting.

Because when you work hard at something, you expect to be gratified once. Just once. But that had never happened. Not once in six years. And that was pain. Moony, Padfoot, had they ever felt like James did now? Right now, he hoped so. Perhaps he was overreacting, but he couldn't help it. He was in love with a girl that held nothing back for him.

He hadn't moved from the spot, and had no cloak to keep him from the chill. His limbs had gone numb from staying in the same spot, and he didn't care to move. It felt cool; like if he stayed there long enough the pain would go away.

"You know Lily Evans? I really do Love you."

He said to the moon. Full. He should be out with Moony and the rest. He should be having fun; the time of his life, laughing about his last rejection and planning his next proposition.

"I try. Evans, I try. Why won't you see it? Or why don't you see me?"

* * *

Lily wrapped her coat about her, but somehow, the spark seemed to have gone out of the adventure. She'd never meant to hurt anyone… 

But wasn't the plan in the first place?

_Hit Potter where it hurts…_

Damn it - she was just as bad as he was!

Buttoning her jacket she crept from the dorms. She couldn't get to sleep for her guilt, so she decided to go on her "date" with Remus. Perhaps she could make amends. Perhaps she'd meet Potter on the way and she could apologise. She could reject him again, but this time, she wouldn't do it like she always did, the frustrated cold apology for an excuse.

Lily met no obstacles on the way, no Filch, no Mrs Norris. She was almost disappointed, she felt she deserved a punishment. She made her way across the grounds without complaint, where the full moon proudly watched her descent further away from the castle.

The full moon was bright tonight.

The sky was almost cloudless.

It wasn't till she had nearly reached the old oak when she noticed something or someone had already accompanied herself. And It wasn't Remus. A figure bearing the Hogwarts school uniform was sprawled upon the floor, muttering things to themselves. Lily wasn't quite sure if they were insane or just delusional. It was a cold September night…

She gasped as she realised who the sleeping form was. And that… that wasn't sleep. Cold - September night? That was unconscious. Lily didn't know what to do, so naturally, she slapped him.

It took a moment for his eyelids to open blearily, but when they did so, Lily burst into a rage. She didn't even mean it, it was her nature.

"What the hell are you doing?" She shouted. It was a stupid question really. James probably didn't have the strength to speak.

"You could be dead. It's cold! Look at you! What the hell are you playing at…"

Lily's speech died down as she realised what she was doing. Lecturing someone who had only done this because of her. He mumbled back something in reply, but Lily couldn't hear above her own voice. Because he was so mad about her… she knew. So why was she doing this? Why was she acting all hard when, in her heart she knew that it wasn't some quick fetish…

"Why?" She knelt down to him. "Why me? Why can't you pick someone else? You're a disease James Potter… you make me feel so guilty…"

This time she didn't shout. She didn't plan what to say. He was a s cold as ice. She had to get help, she couldn't think. Remus wasn't far, she was going to meet him at the corner of the lake… she could call for him.

The world shook as she screamed Lupin's name again and again, hoping for any response. Only when her throat was dry did she slump against the oak, exhausted from shock and shouting.

"Why d'you do it?" She asked James.

"Because…" James put a hand heavily to his head, obviously movement being an effort when he'd been still for so long.

"James, you have to stop this. Endless times you've asked me, six years! You should stop…"

"Never Evans!"

"You're obsessed. James; it's _not normal. _look, you should give up me; before you do something to hurt yourself." She got up, realising the stupidity of her words. "Heck - you've already done that…"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I can't give you up. I have to know theres still a chance…"

Lily stood there for a moment, feeling uncomfortable. "

"Remus isn't coming. I'm gonna go get help…"

But she wasn't going anywhere.

A blood curdling scream lit up the night, resounding through the chill and darkening any chance of getting James help. In the dark night, stood above her, in front of her at full pelt ran a beast of hulking size and ferocity, something more beast than man, speeding towards the two with no mercy of stopping, it's eyes glinting blood red in the moonlight…

The moonlight…

All she could do was watch.

* * *

**A/N - Bit of a filler chappie, and a bit of a cliffie! I'm not carrying this on til I get 15 reviews, so make sure you tell all your friends! Thanks for all my reviews so far, you've given me a great response and I can't thank you enough!**


	4. The stag and the wolf

**Disclaimer: (to the tune of row row row your boat.) No, No, No i don't, I don't own Hp! Damn, damn, dameny damn, I don't own HP!**

* * *

Lily saw the claw swipe at her, and heard her own piercing scream. She closed her eyes tight and waited for the blow to hit her; but nothing came of it Instead she saw James like lightning get up… and then…

A dazzling white stag reared up in front of her, taking the blow for Lily.

For a moment Lily was glued to the spot, as she watched the stag fall down, it's fur covered in crimson before getting up again. But she saw her chance and ran. She had to get help, she had to go to the castle.

There was just a slight problem of a werewolf being in her way…

James was distracting it… she could get past…

She couldn't just _leave _him…

But there was no other choice. With a gulp of air, and her hands in front of her, she ran from the raging battle. As she ran away she heard the yells behind her. Lily didn't want to know if it was James or the werewolf, but she had a horrible sensation in the pit of her stomach that she was running away from something she had to witness. Or be there. For someone. For _him._

Hammering her fists against the door, she burst through the entrance, slamming the doors behind her. She didn't care if she was interrogated by filch, stopped by a teacher… It didn't matter anymore…

She knew where to go. Dumbledore. She just hoped she wasn't too late…

"Fizzing whizzbee!"

The familiar sound of the statue taking her up sounded, but she wasn't aware of every stepping into his office, even saying hello. Instead she staggered into his office, her arms flailing madly.

"Professor! Professor, please!"

Dumbledore was dorned in a purple star-scattered dressing gown, a calm smile playing upon his lips; as always.

"Lily! How nice –"

"Please – sire – no time – out in the grounds, James, wolf…"

Lily saw Dumbledore's calm expression snap to a cold, almost scared look. With a flurry of his cloak he stepped to the window, eyes reflecting the heartless white moon.

"Wolf – you said… is James still out there?"

For the first time in Dumbledore's age as headmaster, he looked scared. Terrified almost. Without waiting for a reply from Lily he fled to the eagle, herself following suite.

She couldn't believe it… a _werewolf. _That… she knew, she'd read _Hogwarts a history _Animals couldn't get in! You couldn't apparate. Unless someone had planted it there. And James – he'd never let slip he was an Animagus. It was out of character. Usually that James Potter would be boasting of his talent, or using it as another way to get hitched; most probably. Unless he had a reason to keeping it secret.

She wished she could apparate, just for once in her life. Outside, she knew that the werewolf and the stag were still fighting.

The night of the wolf.

OXOXOXOXOX

James leapt up at Moony, just in time. He could hear Evan's scream, and he running footsteps. Even as he felt that paw of fury knock his stag form flat, he felt her hesitating presence, knowing that she wasn't sure whether to run or stay. He felt her guilt at not staying, and was glad.

Getting up again, he leapt around Moony again, hoping to hell that he was doing the right thing. His werewolf friend lost interest in James fast, and started to leap towards the running girl, but James wouldn't let that happen; no way. This was his night. This night he was lucky. This night he really could be her knight in shining armour; or rather…

…He wished he had some armour. As he was struck down again, he recognised the wash of hot blood run down his brilliant white fur. He heard the crunch of bones not just being broken, but obliterated. Right in his ribs, he could feel the injury, like a thousand knives. With a yell, he battled the enclosing wolf of with his prongs, his only weapon. Prongs by name, prongs by nature, he thought bitterly, as Remus came on him with one almighty swipe.

A best friends murder. Did Lupin know what he was doing, in that animal heart of his? Was he crying out for himself to stop. For a bitter moment, James was glad that Moony would suffer because of him. It would get him back.

He closed his eyes…

"IMMOBOLUS!"

"Oh my god!"

James faintly saw the red hair, the crimson spell shoot from a strong handed man. Dumbledore. What a guy.

And then his world went black.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Lily felt empty as she stepped back into the castle, looking at the stretcher Dumbledore had conjured, onto the faceless blanket that had been draped over James. He was alive; that what mattered, but she couldn't help feel sickened.

"Mrs Evans – Lily. I think it's best you do not speak of this to anyone. I assure you, Mr Potter will be perfectly fine in the hospital wing – go to sleep and think on this." Dumbledore gave her a comforting pat on her shoulder before stepping up the staircase with the stretched in front of him.

She didn't need to be warned. Like she'd ever tell anyone. She couldn't – wouldn't. It was all too much. James had risked his life; for her…

She slid down the great doors.

Who was that werewolf? And was Remus alright? Had he even turned up? Look what her little game had done. She wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't. She was being, well, there was no other way to put it. She had been, a bitch. And Remus, well… she tried to split up some friends that should always have been together.

There was so much to think on. He'd risked his life for her, and it had almost been taken. Would he hate her? Could this be a new beginning? No…

She put her head in her hands and cried.

* * *

**A/N yeah, I know Dumbledore wasn't headmaster then... I think. Well, I'm not quite sure really. But I don't think he was. Well this is my story - so don't pick up on it! lol. I hope you like it. There is more to come; as always. But you'll have to let me know you want more by reviewing... see? lol :) Thanks all the people who reviewed so far - you fabulous people!**


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